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Beckoning You Home, Becoming Home

by dog beds

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1.
Desire 05:05
Do you feel like a freak the way that you are Do you feel like a freak the way you want to be A hundred pairs of eyes Pierce the back of my neck As I try not to cry In the department store And I can see myself The way I hope you do But most the time I see the thing you despise I desire to rip my skin from my flesh I desire to rip my soul from my body And I can hardly get out of bed in the morning Or any time at all Desire, Desire To be... Anything You said you wanted more I said I've given all I can give and more A caricature I'm a cheap knockoff of the real thing You said you wanted more I said I've given all I can give and more A caricature A cheap knockoff of the real thing Is all I am
2.
They asked me for my ten year plan Pictured with an eerie clarity I imagined an ideal future But it feels too embarrassing to say I asked myself when this began Held at bay for prosperity In this future you were newer and you knew her name It seems so unrealistic to me Why should I get what I want In this future we had a house I was happy with myself We both worked hard and built a life It was easy to get by In this future I lost my doubts I didn't need anybody else You stood by me and I was your wife And it was easy to get by
3.
Sunday 01:42
Spending my time laying and sitting Listening to music, watching TV I idle, drift around lala, lalala, la la la Making my days eternally empty Time well spent, to a certain extent But what have I done? lala, lalala, la la la What am I to do? What am I to do? I can never fall asleep at night
4.
I need to wake up in the morning Write some new songs Can I stop what I am becoming? I don't know, I don't know I finally wake up, sit up with some difficulty I get in my car, the air is cool and untouched by the sun I drive to get coffee My life is consistently vaguely disappointing You already have so much, yet you still want more? And why do you always sing about getting coffee? Because it's the only time I leave my room anymore I keep on waking up too late Laying in bed, doing nothing Can I stop what I am becoming? I don't know, I don't know Are we doomed? Were we destined to fail? There are too many options, ways to fail How do I know where I'm meant to go? I need to fall asleep before it's morning Get off my phone, close my eyes Can I fall asleep this easily? Are we doomed? Destined to fail? There are too many options, ways to fail How do I know where I'm meant to go? I don't know
5.
I love you, oh I love you, oh In the life that's difficult to imagine with you, it's difficult to imagine life without you I am unworthy Pink light dims, and I am left with the broken parts No more flattering tricks, I am unworthy I love you, oh I love you, oh I'm sorry I love you I love you I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry I love you I love you
6.
Pluto 04:44
I want to go Never felt comfortable here I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else Now I'm wasting this space And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times And the wedding reminds me of the dress I won't wear And we can fight, we can fight, I don't fucking care And all this means nothing if this doesn't happen What is the point if I'm living while dying I want to go Never felt comfortable here I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else Now I'm wasting this space And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times I think I understand where he's coming from And I'm so normal I think normal things Like I hope I don't die in a car crash today on my way home It's amazing how the seconds pass Never felt comfortable here I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else Now I'm wasting this space And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times
7.
Once I'm alone I'm not okay Wish I could find the words to say Wish I could find the right time at all All I need to do is make the call But I am a coward, content to wilt I'm a piece of shit, I'm a piece of shit And I'm not getting better Woke up early and dreary with my body in the dark Didn't want to get up, how can I start my day This is eating me up, it shouldn't have to be this way Is something you remark more than once Simple words that I can write Have no grace, try as I might The sky stares down And I feel a little something in this Autumn cool Am I losing my mind? Can we keep going I am feeling unwell Shoes weren't made for walking this far Don't wanna keep going He's a hallow shell Every step feels like I'm fighting the tar Feeling the heat beat down from this star No more pain, just get in your car and drive I don't want to be forgiven I just need an embrace I had nothing to be sorry for In the first place Waking up At a loss for words What do I do with the endless expanse Of nothings spread out before me What do I do with this mess I've made What do I do with this mass of nothings That I've got left The world has disowned me The world has disowned me The gliding clouds on a bright blue day The endless wisps on the clearer ones The disjointed nearness of the closer ones Feel so close that I could touch You make me want to live The imprints of threadbare stars when the sun goes down The foggy nights when the sky is obscured The pitch black darkness when the moon is gone Hard to imagine that it's still there, physically tied to the lives we lead You make me want to live The mornings where I pressed my face into the glass The mornings with my hands on the wheel as I drove myself Early sunrises so bright they nearly made me crash I didn't really mind until I did You make me want to die The days when the moon's still in the sky Do you think she's sad too and couldn't sleep Hangs around and hopes she fades away Sometime soon You make me want to die Don't know how to comfort you when I still hate myself We both wish for better that we know will never come What is it called when you know it's always out of reach Out of reach Delusional kids just trying to live We have to keep living it's still worth it to live If we keep living it'll be worth it to live It has to be worth it if we keep trying to live
8.
I'm your girl All I need is your love All I need is some love The mornings don't wait, marching fast They trudge on, forgetful It's easy to misremember the past And all I feel as of late is regretful I'm your girl All I need is your love All I need is some love Write a book, take a drive Start a drawing, see what you find Send a text to a friend Try to live with intent Easier said than done, easier said than done I'm your girl All I need is your love All I need is some love Can I? Can I? It haunts me all night long Will you? Will you? A question I'm scared to ask I'm your girl All I need is some love Yeah all I need is your love
9.
Oh Natural poison Flows through my veins Bruises and muscle pains I'm dying, baby I'm dying oh Natural poison I am heavy Can't go to sleep, yet my eyes are heavy I'm dying, I'm doing alright Getting by fine What do you need from me? What do you see in me? Remove the hair from my face It grows back tomorrow Sleep all day - I hate to cause you sorrow Place your palm on my palm I wish I had your voice You face, your hair, and everything else It still feels difficult to articulate Ashamed to be ashamed And could I be a mother to your child? Walking around feeling not quite right Do they look at me the same Would you look at me the same A disgrace to my eyes and then to yours And could I be a mother to your child? I don't have, I don't have the missing pieces And I apologized to everyone a hundred times and I'm sick of it, and it's not quite the same I'm dying Irreversible damage to your body Irreversible damage to my spirit Expired wedding cake, dance of crows I love living, it's a fun little hobby Beckoning you home, becoming home
10.
Guarantees 02:12
You are not guaranteed a content life You are not guaranteed a normal life You are not guaranteed the life you want You are not guaranteed the life you desire There is only vague fate to guide you You are born with your curses Then you fuck it up with every minute, every choice You are not guaranteed safety You are not guaranteed security You are not guaranteed your food without poison Or anything You are not guaranteed health or love You made this bed, it was made for you So die in it So die in it Rest your head
11.
Do you dread the death of your posthumous daughter Do you mourn your dead son buried six feet above the ground And oh god I crave Blissful, blissful, impossible ignorance now See the sky above me And the ground below me And I'm alive, I'm alive And I don't want to die And I don't want to die And I don't want to die And I don't want to die And oh god I crave Blissful, blissful, impossible ignorance now

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released January 28, 2022

all music and art by dog beds

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