1. |
Desire
05:05
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Do you feel like a freak
the way that you are
Do you feel like a freak
the way you want to be
A hundred pairs of eyes
Pierce the back of my neck
As I try not to cry
In the department store
And I can see myself
The way I hope you do
But most the time
I see the thing you despise
I desire to rip my skin from my flesh
I desire to rip my soul from my body
And I can hardly get out of bed in the morning
Or any time at all
Desire, Desire
To be...
Anything
You said you wanted more
I said I've given all I can give and more
A caricature
I'm a cheap knockoff of the real thing
You said you wanted more
I said I've given all I can give and more
A caricature
A cheap knockoff of the real thing
Is all I am
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2. |
My Ten Year Plan
03:45
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They asked me for my ten year plan
Pictured with an eerie clarity
I imagined an ideal future
But it feels too embarrassing to say
I asked myself when this began
Held at bay for prosperity
In this future you were newer
and you knew her name
It seems so unrealistic to me
Why should I get what I want
In this future we had a house
I was happy with myself
We both worked hard and built a life
It was easy to get by
In this future I lost my doubts
I didn't need anybody else
You stood by me and I was your wife
And it was easy to get by
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3. |
Sunday
01:42
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Spending my time laying and sitting
Listening to music, watching TV
I idle, drift around
lala, lalala, la la la
Making my days eternally empty
Time well spent, to a certain extent
But what have I done?
lala, lalala, la la la
What am I to do?
What am I to do?
I can never fall asleep at night
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4. |
Good Afternoon
02:58
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I need to wake up in the morning
Write some new songs
Can I stop what I am becoming?
I don't know, I don't know
I finally wake up, sit up with some difficulty
I get in my car, the air is cool and untouched by the sun
I drive to get coffee
My life is consistently vaguely disappointing
You already have so much, yet you still want more?
And why do you always sing about getting coffee?
Because it's the only time I leave my room anymore
I keep on waking up too late
Laying in bed, doing nothing
Can I stop what I am becoming?
I don't know, I don't know
Are we doomed?
Were we destined to fail?
There are too many options, ways to fail
How do I know where I'm meant to go?
I need to fall asleep before it's morning
Get off my phone, close my eyes
Can I fall asleep this easily?
Are we doomed?
Destined to fail?
There are too many options, ways to fail
How do I know where I'm meant to go?
I don't know
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5. |
I Love You, I'm Sorry
02:38
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I love you, oh
I love you, oh
In the life that's difficult to imagine with you, it's difficult to imagine life without you
I am unworthy
Pink light dims, and I am left with the broken parts
No more flattering tricks, I am unworthy
I love you, oh
I love you, oh
I'm sorry
I love you
I love you
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry
I love you
I love you
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6. |
Pluto
04:44
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I want to go
Never felt comfortable here
I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else
Now I'm wasting this space
And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times
And the wedding reminds me of the dress I won't wear
And we can fight, we can fight, I don't fucking care
And all this means nothing if this doesn't happen
What is the point if I'm living while dying
I want to go
Never felt comfortable here
I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else
Now I'm wasting this space
And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times
I think I understand where he's coming from
And I'm so normal I think normal things
Like I hope I don't die in a car crash today on my way home
It's amazing how the seconds pass
Never felt comfortable here
I was an ill fitted glove meant for somebody else
Now I'm wasting this space
And I tried 1, 2, maybe 300,000 times
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7. |
Song For The Sky
11:08
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Once I'm alone I'm not okay
Wish I could find the words to say
Wish I could find the right time at all
All I need to do is make the call
But I am a coward, content to wilt
I'm a piece of shit, I'm a piece of shit
And I'm not getting better
Woke up early and dreary with my body in the dark
Didn't want to get up, how can I start my day
This is eating me up, it shouldn't have to be this way
Is something you remark more than once
Simple words that I can write
Have no grace, try as I might
The sky stares down
And I feel a little something in this Autumn cool
Am I losing my mind?
Can we keep going
I am feeling unwell
Shoes weren't made for walking this far
Don't wanna keep going
He's a hallow shell
Every step feels like I'm fighting the tar
Feeling the heat beat down from this star
No more pain, just get in your car and drive
I don't want to be forgiven
I just need an embrace
I had nothing to be sorry for
In the first place
Waking up
At a loss for words
What do I do with the endless expanse
Of nothings spread out before me
What do I do with this mess I've made
What do I do with this mass of nothings
That I've got left
The world has disowned me
The world has disowned me
The gliding clouds on a bright blue day
The endless wisps on the clearer ones
The disjointed nearness of the closer ones
Feel so close that I could touch
You make me want to live
The imprints of threadbare stars when the sun goes down
The foggy nights when the sky is obscured
The pitch black darkness when the moon is gone
Hard to imagine that it's still there, physically tied to the lives we lead
You make me want to live
The mornings where I pressed my face into the glass
The mornings with my hands on the wheel as I drove myself
Early sunrises so bright they nearly made me crash
I didn't really mind until I did
You make me want to die
The days when the moon's still in the sky
Do you think she's sad too and couldn't sleep
Hangs around and hopes she fades away
Sometime soon
You make me want to die
Don't know how to comfort you when I still hate myself
We both wish for better that we know will never come
What is it called when you know it's always out of reach
Out of reach
Delusional kids just trying to live
We have to keep living it's still worth it to live
If we keep living it'll be worth it to live
It has to be worth it if we keep trying to live
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8. |
I'm Your Girl
03:20
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I'm your girl
All I need is your love
All I need is some love
The mornings don't wait, marching fast
They trudge on, forgetful
It's easy to misremember the past
And all I feel as of late is regretful
I'm your girl
All I need is your love
All I need is some love
Write a book, take a drive
Start a drawing, see what you find
Send a text to a friend
Try to live with intent
Easier said than done, easier said than done
I'm your girl
All I need is your love
All I need is some love
Can I? Can I?
It haunts me all night long
Will you? Will you?
A question I'm scared to ask
I'm your girl
All I need is some love
Yeah all I need is your love
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9. |
Natural Poison
07:05
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Oh
Natural poison
Flows through my veins
Bruises and muscle pains
I'm dying, baby I'm dying
oh
Natural poison
I am heavy
Can't go to sleep, yet my eyes are heavy
I'm dying, I'm doing alright
Getting by fine
What do you need from me?
What do you see in me?
Remove the hair from my face
It grows back tomorrow
Sleep all day
-
I hate to cause you sorrow
Place your palm on my palm
I wish I had your voice
You face, your hair, and everything else
It still feels difficult to articulate
Ashamed to be ashamed
And could I be a mother to your child?
Walking around feeling not quite right
Do they look at me the same
Would you look at me the same
A disgrace to my eyes and then to yours
And could I be a mother to your child?
I don't have, I don't have
the missing pieces
And I apologized to everyone a hundred times
and I'm sick of it, and it's not quite the same
I'm dying
Irreversible damage to your body
Irreversible damage to my spirit
Expired wedding cake, dance of crows
I love living, it's a fun little hobby
Beckoning you home, becoming home
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10. |
Guarantees
02:12
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You are not guaranteed a content life
You are not guaranteed a normal life
You are not guaranteed the life you want
You are not guaranteed the life you desire
There is only vague fate to guide you
You are born with your curses
Then you fuck it up with every minute, every choice
You are not guaranteed safety
You are not guaranteed security
You are not guaranteed your food without poison
Or anything
You are not guaranteed health or love
You made this bed, it was made for you
So die in it
So die in it
Rest your head
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11. |
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Do you dread the death of your posthumous daughter
Do you mourn your dead son buried six feet above the ground
And oh god
I crave
Blissful, blissful, impossible ignorance now
See the sky above me
And the ground below me
And I'm alive, I'm alive
And I don't want to die
And I don't want to die
And I don't want to die
And I don't want to die
And oh god
I crave
Blissful, blissful, impossible ignorance now
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